If you’re anything like me, a young professional working in a globally-recognised field, you’ve probably thought about uprooting your life and moving to a new country. With travel and broadening cultural horizons front of mind, moving overseas with work is a tantalising option. But there’s something that often keeps us from taking that leap of faith: fear.

We fear failure. We fear not being able to make friends or fit in. We fear the unknown.

I have been fortunate enough to live on 3 different continents in the last 4 years, with varying degrees of fulfilment and enjoyment. I now find myself in Australia and can honestly say I’m feeling well and truly settled in under a year. During my travels I’ve learned a few tactics which have helped me settle quicker, make friends faster, and which leave me feeling very content with my choice to make the move.

Ironically, I’m writing this with the pandemic-ridden globe decidedly unfit for travel. But we have to believe at some point the planet will be open for business (and travel) again, right?
In the event that it is right, and that you are considering a move internationally, here are the things I’ve learned which can help you get the most out of your new home.

1. Become a yes-(wo)man

Say “yes” to everything. Well, everything that’s not going to get you deported, at least.

I cannot stress this enough. It’s probably the single most important mindset you can adopt when you move into a new place. Take every opportunity you can to join in. By virtue of your new job and new home, you’ll be meeting a lot of people. I’ve found people typically are very welcoming when we give them the chance and show that we’re open to it. The second we say “no” to an invite, we’re (intentionally or not) signaling that we don’t want new friends. Just as you fear rejection, the person who’s just spontaneously invited you to lunch probably wasn’t planning on being rejected today either. They’re unlikely to try again.

Take every chance to grab a coffee with someone new, go for lunch, join in on team events, etc. Soon, the coffees can turn into weekends away, parties, and other fun; all another step closer to feeling settled and happy in your new home.

2. Be patient

Think about your current circle of close friends; the ones you meet up with most weekends. Did you meet them all in a week? A month? A year, even? I’d guess no! So why are you expecting a stream of friends dying to hang out with you when you’ve barely learned how to pronounce the name of the suburb you live in?

It takes time to build close relationships. It takes focus and attention on developing friendships from both sides.

Once I reminded myself of this, and the fact that not everyone you meet in life is destined to be your best friend, I was all of a sudden a lot more content with my social circle at an earlier stage. I also became a lot more comfortable in my own company. The stress of needing to make friends now was replaced with an “all in good time” mindset.

Each day, I try to focus on the interactions themselves. I want to live in the moment and enjoy the conversation, learn something new about someone or share a cool experience together. With enough positive interactions, friends tend to present themselves.

Give it a chance. You’re creating roots in an entirely new place.
Patience not your strong suit? I guess there is always Tinder.

3. Make the first move

Remember, you’re the new person on the block. Others have already got established social circles, so there’s less incentive for them to put themselves out there at first.
Sure, while we can all dream of the day we’re in a room full of people, slinging witty banter, while moonwalking through the crowd who are queuing up to be our friends (no? Just me?) that’s simply not realistic. We’re not all extroverts and moving to a new place as an introvert almost certainly makes it significantly more difficult to break into social circles.

My advice: try your absolute best to put yourself out there. You have to show people you are there to make new friends. If you’re an introvert or feeling anxious, focus on the one-on-one interactions and start small. Ask someone to grab a coffee during the day and have a quick chat. Grab lunch with someone you’ve met. Invite someone for a game of tennis (or whatever your game is).

Your invite is very likely to be returned at some point. When this happens, refer to 1 above. On the off chance your invite gets rejected (and my experience is that this hardly ever happens when you’re the newbie on the block) refer to 2 above.

If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

It helps if you have hobbies

In implementing the above, I’ve certainly been helped by the fact that I can play quite a few sports. I’m by no means an extreme athlete but do tend to have good enough coordination to participate. I’ve been able to join a squash club, build new friendships through golf and tennis, and hope to join in on cricket at some point in time too! All of this makes me feel a lot more a part of the community.

If you don’t play sport, it’s likely you do have other hobbies. Whether you’re a gamer, artist, musician, self-proclaimed beer pong champion or anything in between, there’s most definitely a community with similar interests out there waiting to meet you. Find out where they are and get involved! At least you’ll have something to talk about.

Of course, it is possible to build a network and make new friends without any significant hobbies, but I’ve found that my efforts seem to be propelled by the fact that I am able to get involved in these sorts of activities.

Enjoy the process

Half the fun of moving to a new place is the fact that it’s all different. Sure, it’s scary as all hell, but I believe it’s one of the best experiences a human can have in life. Figuring out the quirks of a new place, learning about new cultures, forming new habits, trying different things, and getting out of the rut you’ve been living in for the last few years. You find out a lot about yourself when you’re starting with a clean slate. What a thrill!

If you’re thinking about moving internationally, or even doing a short-term secondment, make a point of enjoying the process instead of being fixated on what you think the endgame is. The beauty of moving is not knowing what the endgame is. Be 100% present for each interaction, each wrong turn, each missed train and each time you have to navigate a language barrier. I promise your experience will be so much richer for it.

Over the last few years, I’ve found myself cautioning those who have left our office in search of something better. “Be careful,” I catch myself telling those who’ve voiced their intentions to leave, “the grass is not always greener on the other side.”

Ironically, I write this with one foot out of the door of the firm that took me in as a pimple-faced high school student – and for which I’ve been working for the last 6 years – in search of my own greener pastures. As I’m writing this, I am less than a month out from a one-way plane trip to Melbourne, Australia. 

“Be careful, the grass is not greener on the other side” the voice of trepidation threatens from well within my comfort zone. “You’re gonna get eaten by one of those massive dragon things” a mate of mine jests. 
Monitor lizards 1:0 Mark’s confidence in the impending move. 

Despite the anxiety and threat of an untimely end by the hand (claws? jaws?) of one of Australia’s many beasts, there is an an overwhelming sense of relief and excitement that has built up within me. A chance to see more of the world; an opportunity to learn about new cultures and meet new friends. Knowing a grand total of about 3 people in Australia, this is truly a clean slate for me, something which I am very fortunate to experience; not many people get this option in a lifetime. 

Moving for the right reasons

Whether this turns out to be justified or not, I take solace in the fact that I am making a move for what I believe to be the “right” reasons. The decision to leave was borne not out of frustration nor despair (as is often the case in a professional services environment) but rather out of a place of comfort and intrigue.  
Not that working within a big-four audit firm has been without its fair share of frustration, but I walk away content in the fact that I was able to find (and create) my own little niches – avenues in which I could practice and develop the activities and skills I was most passionate about while still contributing to the core business. For me, these niches revolved around training and coaching our people, as well as finding ways in which to bring a firm full of tired professionals together to relax and enjoy each other’s company, even during the busiest of busy seasons.

There were certainly times during which was I so overwhelmed/angry and swore to myself I’d resign the next day. There were times when I couldn’t comprehend why on earth I’d signed up for this in the first place. 
Instead, I am leaving my role in South Africa at a time when I feel more comfortable doing my job than I ever have. I leave knowing 80% of our office on a first-name basis. I leave without any serious qualms and feeling extremely proud of the impact I believe I have been able to make. I leave the firm which took me from braces to boardrooms, leaving me with a smile on my face and many true friends, mentors and experiences richer. 

Are you considering leaving your job?

For me, it’s time to push myself out of my comfort zone once again. The stubborn, competitive goat within me wants to prove that I can start fresh and Excel. (😏)
I know there are many of you who may also be considering the search for greener grass. My advice in this respect: 

• Never make a decision to leave from a place of anger. If you’re wanting a change, write your resignation letter and sit on it for a week before sending it. Moments (and days) of frustration are commonplace in a stressful environment. 

• Remember that our experience at work is often shaped by our immediate superiors. (As the saying goes, people don’t leave companies, they leave managers.) Understand where your frustration lies and whether there are ways to reduce this. Remember also that you are likely also somebody else’s immediate superior and that your words and actions may be shaping their working experience right now.

• Know that every job has parts that we don’t enjoy. Find a role where you can practice the things you are passionate about, alongside the bread & butter work. It doesn’t always have to be glamorous. 

• Know that every job likely has people that we don’t enjoy. Do your best to spend more time with those you do get along with. Also do your best not to be someone others don’t enjoy. 

• If you do decide to leave, never burn bridges. You never know when you may come to rely on those people in future. 

Last, but not least, don’t be afraid to leave. The beauty of a professional services environment (and many other jobs) is that it’s not built for everyone to be there forever. There is tacit understanding that most of us will be there for a relatively short term, and that’s okay. If your time has come to go in search of something new, do so confidently, knowing that you’ve contributed all you can and added value to the business which you’re leaving. Do so having built an invaluable network and gathered experience & skills which will work in your favour in future. 

I firmly believe that if we give 120% wherever we are, we’ll find things to enjoy about the role and have a rich and fulfilling experience. 

Remember always: The grass is greenest where it is watered. 

Update: Who would have known what 2020 would bring! Despite all the COVID-19 drama it has been refreshing to be pushed out of my comfort zone again! I’ve spent the last 6 months making new friends, learning a whole lot more and finding a work-life balance that I could never quite get right back in South Africa. This means I got to start Trench Life and do a whole lot more writing than I could before. Looks like the grass was greener after all.

Thinking of making a big move? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
Please share this post with your friends and colleagues who are considering a change.

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